honey bunches of oats

Once upon a steamy August night, in an irreconcilably muggy room, I had the inclination to sleep naked. Just for reference: this was the first absurdity of the night. As I cover my free self in my soft sheets and begin to doze off the most horrific noise sounded from outside my door. I sprang up and groggily realized that I was not wearing clothing. "I can't face a robber naked!!" I thought. I ran over to the light switch and was immediately blinded by the overhead lights. Like a mole I began feeling around for something to cover my body, just in case, ya know, we were being looted.

With an oversized tee shirt inside out and a pair of backwards boxers I reached for the door when my froommate (female roommate) whispered wearily

"I'm so so so so sorry, I couldn't get it to stop! I didn't know it was already set, oh dear Jeremy's gonna wake up.....stupid alarm...sorry sorry sorry"

So I turned and very illogically decided to undress once again. I climb into my lovely and welcoming bed and begin drifting off into dreamland when my phone starts to ring. At first I am thoroughly perturbed, wondering how the night could be over already...my alarm clock could NOT be going off already! No.... no that's not it....someone is calling me...who would be calling at 1:37 am?? I picked up the phone and on the other end was Sergeant so and so asking me to please let him in.

WHAT?

"Ma'am you are on the contact list for 850 N 19th st. we called the house and no one answered so if you are home please come open the door, or else we will have to break in. The alarm warrants that we take a search through your house."

"What?....no no we're all fine! I'm coming hang on, I'm sorry we were all upstairs and didn't hear the phone....no we're fine. One second....I'll be right there!"

O my gosh, I'm NAKED again!! Why!!??? I threw on the same disheveled outfit as before and flew downstairs to let the police man in, closely followed by a completely soaked and dripping Abbie wrapped in her bathrobe, who had realized only after starting the shower that her towels were in the dryer. We assured the officer that everyone was perfectly fine, that we were not being robbed, that (untruthfully) we were all sane and he had nothing further to worry about, but thank you!

I pulled myself back up the stairs laughing exhaustedly at everything that had just happened. After a quick recap and giggle fest, and some concerns about the temperaments of our broommates Abbie and I parted and I flopped onto my bed--clothed this time.

I woke up this morning with the memory of last night vividly playing in my mind, smiling at the completely ridiculous decision I had made to sleep without clothes on. I pulled off the covers to go turn off my alarm and get ready for the day.....only to reveal my nakedness once again. I looked down and my clothes were on the ground next to my bed.

Absurd. Classic. Hysterical.